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Lord Jesus, I Still Want You

I am a 59-year-old grandmother, who has loved the Lord Jesus since 10 years of age. Though I cannot remember the date, the experience stands out vividly in my memory.

I was in Sunday school and a lady was telling a Bible story. Every time she mentioned the name “Jesus,” it was like a bright light went on in me and I wanted this “Jesus” whoever He was. Even while the story was being told, I responded from within, “I want You!” Afterwards they asked us to pray with them. I did not understand much of what they said, but “Jesus” I would never forget. From that day I have just grown to love Him more.

I wandered through many Christian groups as I grew up, and went to a Bible school. But though I continued to read my Bible and pray, I never felt completely satisfied with my experience of the Lord. I always felt there must be something more.

When I was about 20 years old I wanted to get into the Bible but found I just could not understand very much. After I married, my husband found and began to devour all the books by Watchman Nee he could find. I began to really grow in the Lord, but often found I could not understand all that Watchman Nee was writing about because of my own concepts about the Scriptures.

When we first went to a meeting of the local church, we walked in not knowing anyone. My husband soon felt he was home, but I had a hard time understanding the messages I heard there. It was the same problem I had in trying to understand the Bible. My previous understandings got in the way of my apprehension. I enjoyed the people, but did not understand much.

Then just a few weeks after starting to meet there, we went to a meeting where Witness Lee was speaking. His message happened to be on the Tabernacle in the Old Testament. As he shared about how we could experience the details of the Tabernacle, I sensed the Lord’s confirmation within. At this point I began in a small way to understand what Witness Lee’s and Watchman Nee’s ministry was about. It took me another 6 months to really begin understanding the Bible. During this 6 months, a word or a phrase would open up so many other parts of the Bible. A new understanding of such terms such as “life,” “light,” or “grace” opened up passages in both the Old and New Testaments. The whole Bible became a feast to me.

Over the years whenever I heard Witness Lee speak or I would read his writings, I always ended up loving the Lord Jesus more and wanting to give my life to Him.

Now after more than 20 years in various places, I have grown in the Lord Jesus. I love Him more now than I ever thought possible. I can say, with all my heart, just as I did at age 10, “Lord Jesus, I still want You.”

W. J.